Arday\u2019s trajectory\u2014extraordinary academic success plus intense public scrutiny and, by many accounts, immense personal strain\u2014illustrates how easily high achievement can coexist with unmet support needs (and the heartbreaking consequences that may entail).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The research is unambiguous: neurodivergent (ND) individuals are more susceptible to anxiety and depression (Accardo et al., 2024) and to suicidal thoughts and behaviour (Brown et al., 2024). What is more, ND individuals without intellectual disability are at greater risk of suicide than either neurotypical people or intellectually disabled ND people (Santomauro et al., 2024). In other words, twice\u2011exceptional young people\u2014those who are both ND and cognitively able\u2014face a higher risk of mental health comorbidities, in part because their abilities can mask need and raise expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Parents and educators, myself included, must not mistake doing well for being well. Students can shine in their areas of strength, appear socially competent, and still struggle. The following are five ND traits that adults need to understand and be attuned to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Masking is a conscious or unconscious effort to look\/act \u201cnormal\u201d by either imitating neurotypical behaviours (\u201ccute shoes!\u201d) or suppressing behaviours that come naturally (conversing with cats).<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a qualitative study, Chapman et al. (2022) found that masking increased anxiety, depression, and exhaustion in autistic teens. The researchers\u2019 conclusion that \u201cmasking is associated with mental health difficulties\u201d masks, in dry academic language, the emotional, psychological, and sensory onslaughts ND students may face in neurotypical environments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It is critical to understand that masking is distinct from typical teen efforts to fit in; it involves significant energetic and cognitive effort of which, due to interoception difficulties (more on that in a minute), the ND student may not even be aware. Thus mood swings, meltdowns, shutdowns, and psychosomatic reactions may be interpreted by the teens, and those around them, as \u201cbeing dramatic\u201d, emotionally immature, or lacking resilience\u2014adding to judgment and shame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents, this often shows up as a child who is \u201cfine\u201d at school but comes home exhausted, irritable, or shut down. For educators and coaches, it may look like a student who is polite, compliant, and high\u2011achieving, yet increasingly anxious or withdrawn over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Judgment and shame are at the heart of rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), defined by Dodson (2023) as \u201cintense but short\u2011lived emotional pain triggered by a distinct event of real or perceived rejection, criticism, or teasing\u201d. In Europe, where similar difficulties are often described as \u201cemotional dysregulation\u201d, they are recognised as a core feature of ADHD (ibid.).<\/p>\n\n\n\n The lived experience of RSD is hard to explain to someone who doesn\u2019t have it. A qualitative study by Sandland, a neurodivergent academic, of ND participants describes \u201cfear, shame, upset, anxiety, overwhelm, and anger\u2026 a lack of control over their responses\u2026 [and] shame towards their uncontrolled responses\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a school setting where teasing and criticism are routine elements of neurotypical peer communication, an ND student might suffer multiple instances of RSD in a day, leading to anxiety, shame, or self\u2011isolation. Although the acute pain of RSD flares and wanes, it scars. I remember with intense, visceral shame a high school friend\u2019s harsh remark about one of my emotional outbursts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self\u2011consciousness and fear of judgment don\u2019t tend to make people more socially adept, which can drive neurodivergent kids into vicious cycles where anxiety heightens defensiveness or withdrawal, leading to increased criticism and rejection, which triggers further intense negative emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents, this can look like extreme sensitivity to feedback, perfectionism, or refusing to try new things after a perceived failure. For teachers and coaches, it may show up as over\u2011apologising, people\u2011pleasing, or sudden withdrawal after minor corrections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Contrary to old stereotypes, empathy can be among the emotions neurodivergent people feel deeply. This feeds into justice sensitivity\u2014a heightened attunement to, and emotional response to, perceived unfairness. Sometimes, this shows up as an aversion to rule\u2011breaking; an ND student might report a classmate\u2019s cheating or misbehaviour to a teacher, causing peer hostility. Equally, as Ollington (2025) notes, some justice sensitivity \u201cresults in breaking rules and laws\u2026 [as] this sensitivity reflects a strong internal drive to stand up for what they believe is right.\u201d On this side of the equation, kids can get in trouble with teachers or administrators for challenging rules they see as unfair, or calling out preferential treatment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Throw into the mix the autistic tendency to see things in absolute terms and speak plainly, and justice sensitivity can lead to persistent friction in educational and professional settings. As a straight\u2011A student, I spent a disproportionate amount of time excluded from class, mostly for saying things that started with, \u201cIt\u2019s not fair that\u2026\u201d Later, I found myself incapable of shutting up and getting along in high\u2011context office jobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Parents may see this as their child becoming distressed or angry about perceived unfairness at school or in friendships. Educators may experience it as a student who questions rules, challenges decisions, or advocates fiercely for peers\u2014behaviours that can be misread as defiance rather than moral intensity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The traditional perspective on ND communication differences and\/or disinclination to adhere to social norms is that they are deficiencies, and \u201c\u2018deficit\u2011based\u2019 narratives of autism place the expectation to understand and adapt… on autistic people only\u201d (Chapman et al., 2022).<\/p>\n\n\n\n This view was challenged by Milton (2012), who reframed communication challenges as a double\u2011empathy problem: neurotypical people don\u2019t understand neurodiverse communication, and vice versa.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you take communication between speakers of different languages as an example, this idea becomes clearer: a native and non\u2011native English speaker may have a communication breakdown; for deep\u2011rooted cultural and historical reasons, this is often seen as a failure of the non\u2011native speaker. A more even\u2011handed perspective is that the speakers misunderstand each other\u2014that is, they have a double\u2011empathy problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapman et al. found that ND teens were keenly aware of their classmates\u2019 perceptions and masked \u201cas an anxiety\u2011driven response to others\u2019 behaviour and attitudes towards them\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents, this can look like a child who is misunderstood by peers or adults despite good intentions. For educators and coaches, it\u2019s a reminder that communication breakdowns are not solely the ND student\u2019s responsibility to fix; classroom culture and adult responses matter just as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It might seem paradoxical, but hyper\u2011attunement to others\u2019 moods and attitudes is often compounded by a lack of interoception, or awareness of one\u2019s own feelings. Interoception affects how ND people relate to the world (e.g., blunted or heightened responses to heat, cold, or physical pain), their bodies (e.g., reduced sense of hunger, satiety, or exhaustion), and their feelings (e.g., inability to recognise or differentiate between anger\/sadness or fear\/excitement).<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, a neurotypical student might accurately identify as \u201changry\u201d, while an ND peer who has had a low\u2011blood\u2011sugar mood drop would, instead of connecting it to a physiological cause, perceive themselves as unreasonable or over\u2011emotional. Thus interoception difficulties can lead to a negative self\u2011image and shame, which compound social challenges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Parents may notice a child who doesn\u2019t recognise they\u2019re hungry, tired, or overwhelmed until they\u2019re already in crisis. Educators may see students who can\u2019t articulate why they\u2019re upset, or who label normal bodily states as personal failings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The fundamental features of neurodivergence don\u2019t change, nor should they. Neurodiverse and twice\u2011exceptional individuals are not problems to be solved; they are humans who deserve to have their needs understood, respected, and met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The following are evidence\u2011based ways to improve the well\u2011being of neurodivergent young people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Loud, chaotic, physically uncomfortable environments are great for no one; but they can be a form of torture for ND kids. Schools are particularly hostile, from cafeteria smells to hours spent in rigid chairs. All students deserve better, and meeting ND sensory needs would, ideally, lead to improving the educational environment for everyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Accommodations might include relaxing or removing uniform requirements, where applicable; better classroom lighting; permitting cushions, blankets, or other aids to regulate comfort and body temperature; low\u2011noise classrooms\/dining spaces; sensory safety rooms; more frequent breaks; guided breathwork\/mindfulness; dyspraxia\u2011friendly physical education, and so forth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The vast majority of these accommodations could be made with minimal cost or inconvenience to the school. I suspect a great deal of administrative resistance to such changes is based on old\u2011fashioned ideas about order and discipline rather than evidence or genuine concern about impacting learning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents: these are concrete items to raise at SEN\/support meetings. For educators and school leaders: these are low\u2011cost, high\u2011impact changes that benefit all students, not just ND ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Typical teen behaviour like scoffing junk food, binge\u2011watching whatever, or staying up too late is dysregulating for everyone (presumably part of its appeal). However, neurodiverse kids are likely to pay a higher price. As parents and educators, it is crucial to make space for developmentally normal mischief while providing a baseline healthy routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For an autistic student, this might mean eating the same nutritious breakfast daily or spending 30 minutes on a personal project each evening. An extroverted ADHD student might need support to regularly try different social activities, or variations on a current hobby (i.e., a new running route each week).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Whatever form they take, positive routines should include sleep structure, movement, nutrition, and social interaction. All of which (as with sensory accommodations) benefit neurotypicals just as much; in fact, it would be nice to see families and organisations become more human\u2011friendly as a result of being more ND\u2011friendly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents: think \u201cscaffolding, not control\u201d. For coaches and teachers: look for ways to embed movement, predictability, and choice into the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Given the documented mental health risks ND people face, there is no reason to wait for depression, anxiety, or self\u2011harm to surface to seek therapy. Having an ND\u2011, or at least ND\u2011aware, therapist can be a lifeline for a neurodivergent teen, especially if they don\u2019t have close friends or family members with similar neurological profiles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n All teens feel weird, anxious, and unhappy sometimes, but the real, tangible differences in ND processing and experience can exacerbate these feelings to dangerous levels; being able to talk them through with a neutral third party can help reassure and regulate kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even if your child has close friends, or you have a great relationship with them, those bonds are not equivalent to a therapeutic relationship. Twice\u2011exceptional teens are acutely sensitive; they may conceal things to protect you, or to protect themselves. Giving them a safe, explicitly non\u2011judgmental space to share the stuff that scares them is a meaningful investment in their immediate and long\u2011term mental health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n NB:<\/strong> Given lingering stigmas around mental health and heightened anxiety around difference, some ND teens might resist \u201ctherapy\u201d. Framing it as \u201cpersonal development\u201d, \u201ccoaching\u201d, or \u201csocial\u2011and\u2011communication skills mentoring\u201d are low\u2011friction options.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For parents: this is about normalising support before crisis. For educators and coaches: this is about recommending, not diagnosing, and collaborating with families and clinicians.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Cultural and social expectations often hit twice\u2011exceptional kids hardest, because we mistakenly generalise about their capacities. As parents, educators, and a society, we must challenge ableism and pernicious expectations, and give 2E students space and support for all their exceptionalities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Accardo, A.L., Pontes, N.M.H. & Pontes, M.C.F. Heightened Anxiety and Depression Among Autistic Adolescents with ADHD: Findings From the National Survey of Children\u2019s Health 2016\u20132019. J Autism Dev Disord<\/em> 54, 563\u2013576 (2024). https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s10803-022-05803-9<\/p>\n\n\n\n Brown, C.M., Newell, V., Sahin, E. et al. Updated systematic review of suicide in autism: 2018\u20132024. Curr Dev Disord Rep<\/em> 11, 225\u2013256 (2024). https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s40474-024-00308-9<\/p>\n\n\n\n Chapman, L., Rose, K., Hull, L., & Mandy, W. (2022). \u201cI want to fit in\u2026 but I don\u2019t want to change myself fundamentally\u201d: A qualitative exploration of the relationship between masking and mental health for autistic teenagers. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders<\/em>, 99, 102069.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dodson, W. (2023). New insights into rejection sensitive dysphoria. ADDitude<\/em>, last modified October 11. http:\/\/datianpao.net\/index-167.html (accessed 18 Aug 2026).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ollington, S. (2025). \u2018Justice sensitivity in ADHD\u2019. ADHD Working<\/em>, 6 Jan. https:\/\/adhdworking.co.uk\/adhd-traits\/justice-sensitivity-in-adhd\/ (accessed 18 Aug 2026).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sandland, B. (2025). Neurodivergent experiences of rejection sensitive dysphoria expose the environmental factors too often overlooked. Neurodiversity<\/em>, 3, 27546330251394516.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Santomauro, D.F., Hedley, D., Sahin, E., Brugha, T.S., Naghavi, M., Vos, T., … & Stokes, M.A. (2024). The global burden of suicide mortality among people on the autism spectrum: A systematic review, meta\u2011analysis, and extension of estimates from the Global Burden of Disease Study 2021. Psychiatry Research<\/em>, 341, 116150.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I worry about twice\u2011exceptional (2E) kids, especially the ones who shine the brightest in conventional settings. I worry about how to celebrate their achievements without pressuring them to push harder. I worry about how to honour their additional needs without fuelling their anxiety around fitting in. This article is written primarily for parents who see […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":177102425,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,26,24,64,34,63],"tags":[49,35,40,65,28],"class_list":["post-177102423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-academic-coaching","category-education","category-gifted-learners","category-neurodiversity","category-parenting-exceptional-kids","category-twice-exceptional","tag-2e","tag-academic-coaching","tag-neurodivergence","tag-safe-schools","tag-twice-exceptional"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writetosuccess.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/katie-gerrard-2Eam2lDSIqs-unsplash.webp?resize=640%2C427&ssl=1\")
\n\n\n\nFive neurodivergent traits adults need to understand<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Masking<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and shame<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Justice sensitivity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
The double\u2011empathy problem<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Interoception<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nHow to make life safer for twice\u2011exceptional kids<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Sensory accommodations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/writetosuccess.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/alina-perekatenkova-iZqmktM_bis-unsplash-scaled.jpg?fit=1024%2C685&ssl=1\")
Positive routines<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Proactive, holistic therapeutic support<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nFinal thoughts: challenging ableism and protecting 2E students<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nReferences<\/h2>\n\n\n\n