The I’s don’t have it
As a college application essay coach, my inbox is inundated with personal essays. All of them rife, riddled, replete with a construction that starts to feel like a hammer hitting a nail: I + verb.
I think. I did. I was. I believe. I tried. I plan. I hope. I studied. I found.
As individual statements, fine, but when the I-plus-verb construction appears multiple times in a single sentence, and dozens of times in a 600-word essay, it jars.
But how, students ask, am I supposed to write about myself without using ‘I’?
Well, friends, it can be done. And stylishly. Here goes.
I+ verb constructions
What it is: Repeated use of I-plus-verb to start a sentence or clause in a first-person narrative
Where: Personal statements, college application essays, personal essays, memoirs
How it happens: Writers echo a wordy, informal speech pattern
Why delete? Creates boring, stilted, repetitive sentences; sounds solipsistic/narcissistic
Examples
When I was four, I had an imaginary friend
Dressy edit: Aged four, I had an imaginary friend
Casual edit: My imaginary friend, when I was four
When I look back on all the games I have played since I was little
Dressy edit: Reflecting on childhood games
Casual edit: Thinking about the games I played as a kid
Through the friends I made, I came across a charity and I was attracted to its philosophy
Dressy edit: My friends introduced me to a charity whose philosophy attracted me
Casual edit: Thanks to my friends, I discovered a charity with a great philosophy
Given how much I absorbed in class, I became frustrated by the repetitiveness of the curriculum; this was when I turned to the internet. I fell in love with Wikipedia
Dressy edit: Given my rapid mastery of the course, I became frustrated with the repetitive curriculum and turned to the internet, where Wikipedia won my heart
Casual edit: Since class materials were same-old same-old, I dove into the internet and discovered Wikipedia’s treasure trove
My intellectual curiosity has taken me on adventures I could never have imagined. As I look forward to college, I cannot wait.
Dressy edit: Curiosity has fuelled my intellectual adventures. I anticipate with relish what college holds
Casual edit: Frankly, I cannot wait to continue my curiosity-fuelled intellectual adventures in college
Sentence structure secrets
I+verb is easy to fall into because it is the basic construction of an active declarative English sentence.
Active declarative English sentences are beautiful things, but they come in all shapes and sizes. Discourse markers, disjuncts and subordinate clauses are just a few of the tools writers have available to create varied, engaging sentences.