Ditch the he said/she said
Though ambivalently fond of Ernest Hemingway, one thing I can’t — won’t — argue with is the man’s approach to dialogue.
As much as any 20th century writer, we have Papa H to thank for excising the clutter of he/she/they said/gasped/shrieked/chortled.
Take this excerpt from ‘Hills Like White Elephants’:
“Oh, cut it out.”
“You started it,” the girl said. “I was being amused. I was having a fine time.”
“Well, let’s try and have a fine time.”
“All right. I was trying. I said the mountains looked like white elephants. Wasn’t that bright?”
“That was bright.”
“I wanted to try this new drink. That’s all we do, isn’t it—look at things and try new drinks?”
” I guess so.”
After that, who could go back to she said/he said?
Dialog tags
Where it’s found: Fiction; also creative nonfiction, personal essays, etc.
How it happens: Writers don’t trust the reader to follow the conversation
Why delete? Repetitive; distracts the reader from the speech; cluttered-looking
My dad looked at me grimly and said, “Nobody likes to be told what to do”
Edit: My dad looked at me grimly: “Nobody likes to be told what to do.”
The quotation marks are sufficient to indicate the father is speaking, and the ‘looked at me grimly’ indicates to whom, and with what attitude.
He said, “I don’t know.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Nobody told me,” he replied.Edit: “I don’t know.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Nobody told me.”
Properly formatted dialogue, i.e.., a new paragraph for each speaker, makes the turn-taking obvious. Once the characters are established, there is no need for additional tags.
“Let’s not get excited,” she said. “The show isn’t over,” she added.
Edit: “Let’s not get excited,” she said. “The show isn’t over.”
Never double tag a single speech; ‘she said’ is fine but ‘she added’ is dead weight.
Jimmy was furious. “You’re an idiot!” he yelled.
Edit: “You’re an idiot!” Jimmy yelled.
Here, the action of yelling conveys the emotion — no need for extra words.
My dance teacher reminded me about the recital: “Don’t be late,” he urged.
Edit: “Don’t be late,” my dance teacher urged before the recital.
This is similar case to 4; the information can be combined into a single tag that communicates the speaker and tone.