Laying learning’s foundation
Connecting with oneself and others
In previous posts I’ve written about two of the three vital components for holistic education: safety and agency.
Now, let’s talk about integration — connecting learners with themselves and others.
Integration is of particular significance to the gifted, neurodivergent and twice-exceptional (2E) learners. Young people in this community frequently have challenges related to proprioception (awareness of ones physical body) and emotional awareness (alexithymia)/regulation.
They are also often excluded by neurotypical social norms and communication styles. Thus self-integration, in terms of bodily and emotional awareness, and social integration, are of highest importance.
Lessons from trauma studies
Judith Herman’s 1992 book Trauma and Recovery is brilliant and incisive — among other things, she described and named complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) — but what struck me was the breadth of its potential application.
Herman argues there are three stages to recovery (as summarized by Orbey, 2023)
“Before anything else, trauma survivors must salvage a basic sense of safety (step one). Only afterward can they mourn what they have lost (step two) and resume some version of ordinary life (step three).”
To apply this framework to gifted & neurodivergent education, I’ve summarized the three steps as safety, agency and integration.
Holistic steps to success
As with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the steps or layers build upon each other. A person cannot experience agency if they are not safe; nor are they able to integrate their own emotions and/or enter social situations if they have not established agency.
Take as read that the discussion of integration to follow begins with a foundation of safety and agency in the learning environment.
Proprioception & physical integration
Humans experience the world through our bodies. Despite the millennia of Western mind-body dichotomy propaganda, science and experience make plain that holistic well-being is vital to learning.
The sensory-motor challenges common to neurodivergent individuals are,
and should be taken seriously as, a learning challenge.
Kapp (2025) reports that “approximately 90% of autistic people may have functionally impactful movement difficulties (Zampella et al., 2021; Bhat, 2023).”
While Tarbanie (2020) notes that both autism and ADHD are linked to difficulties with “sensory and perceptual processing… representing important risk factors in emotional, cognitive, and behaviour problems.”
Any successful educational approach must address the distinctive physical and sensory profiles of neurodivergent and gifted students.
Since this is such an important topic, I’m going to dedicate a future newsletter to the story and insights of autistic ultra-athlete and advocate Ishmael Burdeau.
In addition to his story, Burdeau offers practical advice on physical activity and integration among neurodivergent learners, which I look forward to sharing.
Alexithymia & emotional regulation
In addition to struggling to figure out what their bodies are doing in space, neurodivergent people may find their emotional states opaque. Alexithymia, also called emotional blindness is defined by Psychology Today as a difficulty “experiencing, identifying, understanding, and expressing… emotions.”
Alexithymia is common in the neurodivergent community, and can also affect learners suffering PTSD or CPTSD, according to Pincus and Beller (2025).
Emotional dysregulation is a often a consequence:
how can someone regulate something they can’t recognize?
Emotional perception and regulation have a massive, immediate impact on learning. Students who are dysregulated can shut down, act out or become upset.
In classroom settings, this tends to draw negative attention from peers and teachers, which generates shame, frustration and alienation. Once this happens, any basis of safety and agency evaporates and everyone is back to square one.
Building an emotional toolkit
One-to-one support can make a crucial difference in equipping neurodivergent learners to cope with the demands of a conventional academic setting.
Teachers with 15-30 pupils cannot, even if they wish, spend concentrated time providing emotional support and guidance for an individual student.
A safe space, where the learner has agency, is the ideal setting to support emotional growth through co-regulation.
Hagan, writing for Child Mind Institute, defines co-regulation as “helping a child learn how to regulate their own emotions by showing empathy and modeling calmness” — which hard to do for a teacher fighting fires.
Through attuned engagement with an adult who is focused on their well-being, neurodivergent and twice-exceptional young people can learn to identify emotions like boredom, curiosity, impatience or fear of being wrong.
Once identifiable, emotions become regulable.
For example:
Anxiety about mistakes can be addressed by reframing beliefs around “mistakes” and by concrete study strategies.
Curiosity can be connected to research skills or polite ways to ask questions, which reinforces agency.
Impatience can be leveraged by breaking large goals into small, immediate steps.
Photo by Aedrian Salazar on Unsplash
Social integration
Once neurodiverse and gifted learners gain awareness of their physical and emotional states, and have agency in managing them, they are better prepared to navigate social realms and participate in school and other communities.
Social and communication differences are a core diagnostic feature of autism, and Sethi (2024) notes that “autism and ADHD consist of significant symptom overlap in social function, social cognition, and social interactions. Children with either of the two struggle with social perception… [and] low levels of reciprocal friendships.”
Although many neurodiverse people enjoy their own company and need time alone, loneliness doesn’t nourish anyone.
Every student deserves to have the skills and opportunities to make friends and form meaningful relationships.
There are three vital ways holistic tutoring with a focus on social-emotional growth can support social integration.
Self-awareness » awareness of others
Increased awareness of their own emotional states and needs empowers neurodivergent young people to better understand other people’s emotions, which is the basis for any meaningful relationship.
Self-awareness also helps kids identify their values and preferences, which enables them to build emotionally healthy, reciprocal relationships. It can protect them from being drawn into bonds or groups that don’t meet their needs or match their values.
Confidence
Having awareness and agency over one’s body and mind is the ultimate confidence booster. Students who appreciate themselves, feel valuable and believe they have something to offer are in a position to cultivate rewarding friendships — which will increase confidence, creating a virtuous circle of social and personal integration.
Special interests
Being confident in themselves allows neurodiverse students to make the most of their special interests and areas of expertise. Whether it is joining a textile design group, cooking class, robotics club or creative writing workshop, participating in something at which they excel allows learners to shine while connecting them to people they might not have otherwise encountered.
Success isn’t about facts, questions or scores; it’s about connection, communication and cooperation: skills that, once mastered, allow anyone to learn anything anytime.