{"id":158644463,"date":"2025-03-11T13:59:03","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T13:59:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writetosuccess.net\/success-in-the-present-tense\/"},"modified":"2025-03-11T13:59:03","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T13:59:03","slug":"success-in-the-present-tense","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writetosuccess.net\/de\/success-in-the-present-tense\/","title":{"rendered":"Success in the Present Tense"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Your finest moment is now <\/h2><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1554498808-d3ae8f23540c?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw5OXx8c3VjY2Vzc3xlbnwwfHx8fDE3NDE1MzczOTl8MA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080\" alt=\"you are enough text\"\/><\/figure><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not long ago, I spoke to my best friend from university. She is a hilarious, wise, accomplished woman who happens to be the CEO of a publicly traded company and mother of two brilliant children. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Of a mutual college friend, she remarked: \u201cHe has his own lab at Duke.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After hanging up, I looked around my living room, with its cheap drapes, scrappy second-hand chairs and fine misting of cardboard from shredded cat scratch mats.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The life I\u2019ve worked so hard to create felt insignificant. The space carved dowdy, the achievements miniscule. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My mind\u2019s eye framed a mental cartoon of my life as a mole-hill next to mountains so lofty their rugged peaks were lost in clouds. <\/p><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1485003975062-9946bdb9dbae?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw5Mnx8bW91bnRhaW58ZW58MHx8fHwxNzQxNDM2NDE3fDA&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080\" alt=\"snow covered mountain during daytime\"\/><\/figure><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This mood, in subtly changing shapes, stuck with me.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It wasn\u2019t until reading <em><a href=\"https:\/\/drgabormate.com\/book\/the-myth-of-normal\/\">The Myth of Normal <\/a><\/em>by Doctor Gabor Mat\u00e9 that the needle bounced in its groove. <\/p><blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>\u201cThe most common form shame assumes in this culture is the belief that \u2018I am not enough.\u2019 The writer Elizabeth Wurtzel\u2026 suffered depression from an early age. \u2018I was intensely downcast,\u2019 she chronicled\u2026 \u2018I thought if I could be good enough at whatever task, great or small, that was before me, I might have a few minutes of happiness.\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That stopped me cold.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To what extent do <em>I <\/em>buy into that? And to what extent do I potentially, if unwittingly, feed that mindset?<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Write To Success aims to help people develop the communication skills they need to thrive in college and beyond. But is the name itself sending an unhealthy message? <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Write <em>to<\/em> Success implies that success is out there, ahead, in the future. Ergo, not yet achieved.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What if, instead of focusing on what we haven\u2019t, we celebrated what we have?<\/p><div class=\"pullquote\"><p><em>What if I am \u2014 we are \u2014 already a success? <\/em><\/p><\/div><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Fear of the \u2018s\u2019 word<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Comparison and competition are the twin engines of capitalism. There is always someone better, some goal unmet, some category from which we are excluded.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Wired into that, is the fallacy that if people \u2014 especially young people \u2014 feel successful they\u2019ll slack off. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Education too often seems predicated on the notion that learners have to be driven by fear of failure \u2014 specifically, by the shame our culture attaches to failure: take, for example, the hideous aphorism \u2018second place is first loser\u2019 or the relentless glorification of \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/writetosuccess.substack.com\/p\/in-gear-for-the-new-year?r=3svop\">greatest of all time<\/a>\u2019 achievers (never mind that is a fleeting title).  <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If it\u2019s true that success breeds indolence, why do the Rolling Stones still tour? Why does Lee Childs continue to churn out novels? Why does Martin Scorsese make films?<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Less pain, more gain<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Fear driven strategies can work, for a while.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cConviction of one\u2019s inadequacy has fueled a great many glittering careers,\u201d Mat\u00e9 notes, \u201cand instigated many instances of illness, often both in the same individual.\u201d <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But, as teachers know, students bludgeoned with dire warnings of failure don\u2019t all become strivers. Plenty \u2014 maybe even many \u2014 respond with passive disengagement or active resistance.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And why not? What is inspiring about being told that what you\u2019ve done isn\u2019t good enough and the best you can hope for, by gymnastic efforts, is a \u2018better future\u2019? <\/p><div class=\"pullquote\"><p>A more pragmatic, sane, humane starting point would be: you are a worthwhile and worthy human being, a success. Let\u2019s build on that together. <\/p><\/div><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1596495577886-d920f1fb7238?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzfHxtYXRofGVufDB8fHx8MTc0MTcwMDQzNnww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080\" alt=\"person writing on white paper\"\/><\/figure><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Success is where you find it<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anyone can be successful or unsuccessful \u2014 it\u2019s a matter of perspective.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This week, I asked one of my students about his recent math tournament.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cIt was okay,\u201d he said. \u201cI got second place. In the nation.\u201d <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cWhat? That\u2019s amazing.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cNot really, I tied.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cFor second place <em>in the nation<\/em>! Of 365 million people.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He sighed: \u201cNot that many compete.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We jousted; he insisting his achievement was hardly an achievement at all and I that it was incredible, exciting and worth jumping up and down about.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We called it a draw. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s kind of a funny story, but it also makes me sad \u2014 for him, and for everyone who\u2019s ever been snowed (and who of us haven\u2019t?) into thinking that it\u2019s not enough.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s stop getting smothered in those drifts and declare: <em>it is enough<\/em>. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is not an original observation, but here goes: <\/p><div class=\"pullquote\"><p>The vast majority of what makes the world liveable on the day-to-day is never going to be valued. But that doesn\u2019t make it not-valuable, it makes it <em>in<\/em>valuable.<\/p><\/div><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anyone who has ever<\/p><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><p>Tended a plant<\/p><\/li><li><p>Nurtured a child<\/p><\/li><li><p>Made art<\/p><\/li><li><p>Cared for an animal<\/p><\/li><li><p>Fed someone, or themselves<\/p><\/li><li><p>Said \u2018I love you\u2019 and meant it<\/p><\/li><li><p>Let someone cut in line<\/p><\/li><li><p>Comforted someone<\/p><\/li><li><p>Put fresh linens on a bed<\/p><\/li><li><p>Helped a stranger, or a friend <\/p><\/li><\/ul><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">is a success. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Don\u2019t take my word for it, though. Feel it for yourself. <em>Write<\/em> it. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Grab a notebook or open a doc and write a true story about yourself: write about how you care, how you show up for people, how you nurture yourself. Write about yourself with the generosity with which you\u2019d celebrate the achievement of a loved one. <\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Repeat as often as you like.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My bet is the more one celebrates and acknowledges their successes, the more one cultivates the energy, resilience and curiosity that fuel new achievements. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your finest moment is now <\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-158644463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - 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