{"id":138758827,"date":"2023-11-10T16:00:42","date_gmt":"2023-11-10T16:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writetosuccess.net\/book-review-connections-over-compliance\/"},"modified":"2023-11-10T16:00:42","modified_gmt":"2023-11-10T16:00:42","slug":"book-review-connections-over-compliance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writetosuccess.net\/de\/book-review-connections-over-compliance\/","title":{"rendered":"Book Review: Connections Over Compliance"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline, by Lori Desautels, Ph.D. (2020)<\/h2><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/public\/images\/2763b5ba-de71-4cf4-9ece-eb2d3e5c9430_629x1000.jpeg?w=1080&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Connections Over Compliance: Rewiring... by Desautels, Lori L\"\/><\/figure><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Key words<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Education, co-regulation, trauma-informed, relational discipline, student-centered, classroom management, neuroscience, teaching<\/p><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1570616969692-54d6ba3d0397?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHwzM3x8Y2xhc3Nyb29tfGVufDB8fHx8MTY5OTYzMDM1OXww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080\" alt=\"people sitting on chair\"\/><\/figure><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My intention was to skim Connections Over Compliance again to extract a few highlights for this review. Instead, I found myself rereading from Page 1 thinking \u2013 as was the case on first read \u2013 this needs to be published on 90-foot billboards across the educational landscape.<\/p><div class=\"subscription-widget-wrap-editor\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/writetosuccess.substack.com\/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}\" data-component-name=\"SubscribeWidgetToDOM\"><div class=\"subscription-widget show-subscribe\"><div class=\"preamble\"><p class=\"cta-caption\">Thanks for reading Write\u2019s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.<\/p><\/div><form class=\"subscription-widget-subscribe\" action=\"\"><input type=\"email\" class=\"email-input\" name=\"email\" placeholder=\"Type your email\u2026\" tabindex=\"-1\"\/><input type=\"submit\" class=\"button primary\" value=\"Subscribe\"\/><div class=\"fake-input-wrapper\"><div class=\"fake-input\"\/><div class=\"fake-button\"\/><\/div><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"trp-form-language\" value=\"de\"\/><\/form><\/div><\/div><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\u2018Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline\u2019<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/revelationsineducation.com\/about-us\/\">Dr. Lori Desautels<\/a>\u2019 argument is provocative in its simplicity: rigid expectations, pressure and punishment are the wrong tools to address challenging student behavior.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBehaviors tell our stories, signaling the pain we can barely speak of or understand,\u201d Desautels writes. \u201cBehaviors are always communicating our needs, feelings, and\u2026 fears that feel to big to contain.\u201d<\/p><div class=\"pullquote\"><p>Fear, stress and trauma-based behaviors cannot be fixed by <br\/>adding more fear or stress in the form of punishment. <\/p><\/div><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Rather, educators and other involved adults need to re-imagine classroom management.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The big idea<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBehavior management is not about students,\u201d Desautels argues. \u201cBehavior management is about adults.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Two sentences: one simple philosophy: if we as educators want engaged, caring, positive, emotionally attuned, empathetic students we\u2019d better start by being engaged, caring, positive, etc.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Desautels calls this \u2018relational discipline\u2019, which she describes thusly:<\/p><blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>\u201cEducator brain state and co-regulation are at the heart of relational discipline. We begin to build sustainable relationships, mutual respect, and trust through emotional attunement\u2026. The truth is that we work harder for people we like, and when students feel respected and trust us, we are helping to shape brain architecture that produces their reasoning, regulation, problem-solving, and attentional skills. When children remain in alarm states, cognitive learning is impaired.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As a nascent educator, I briefly tutored for an after-school program at a Memphis charter school, i.e., a public school that had crumbled to the point it was privatized. Five or six 10-to-12-year-old girls were assigned to my group.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Expect trouble<\/em>, was the warming (not in so many words).<em> They\u2019ve witnessed violence. They have family members in prison. They come to school hungry<\/em>.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Should it have been a surprise my charges had zero tolerance for, or interest in, my sorry attempts to be an authority figure?<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first few days they literally ran screaming through the halls. Helpless, mortified, feeling a fool, I tried to be more authoritative.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One afternoon, to my relief, only three girls showed up: few enough to huddle around a single table and read a story. The transformation was boggling. They wanted to read, wanted to tell me their ideas about the story; they even started planning our next session.<\/p><div class=\"pullquote\"><p><em>They just want positive adult attention<\/em>.<\/p><\/div><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That revelation has stuck with me.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Desautels focuses on students who experience severe trauma, such as homelessness, racism or loss of a parent, but relational discipline is equally relevant for kids who don\u2019t come to class draped in red flags.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Growing up is tough. Even young people from comfortable, loving homes have to deal with peer pressure, friendship, family relationships, sexual maturation, etc. \u2013 none of which come easy. They need attuned, empathetic teachers, too.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another, more recent, experience drove this point home. Again, I was teaching was a small group of 11 and 12-year-olds (truly, the years for which the universe should have made a fast-forward button). This time, though, from wealthy families. One took a cheese grater to my nerves from day one. Whiny. Obnoxious. Disruptive.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the first weeks, positive reinforcement was gritted through teeth. Then the student started to come early to class, read ahead, urge their classmates to stay on task. Praise was no longer a chore.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Our attitudes adjusted: we looked forward to seeing each other and trusted each other to uphold shared standards of behavior.<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Connections Over Compliance<\/em> explains the what, how and why of such evoluttions. The <em>what<\/em> includes research on trauma, healing and neuroplasticity. The <em>how,<\/em> guidance on implementing relational discipline. <em>Why? <\/em>Because everyone in a classroom deserves to be safe, happy and effective.<\/p><figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/images.unsplash.com\/photo-1581726690015-c9861fa5057f?crop=entropy&amp;cs=tinysrgb&amp;fit=max&amp;fm=jpg&amp;ixid=M3wzMDAzMzh8MHwxfHNlYXJjaHw1MHx8c2Nob29sfGVufDB8fHx8MTY5OTYzMDU4N3ww&amp;ixlib=rb-4.0.3&amp;q=80&amp;w=1080\" alt=\"woman in gray sweater sitting beside woman in gray sweater\"\/><\/figure><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">My take<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">French philosopher <a href=\"https:\/\/theanarchistlibrary.org\/library\/simone-weil-the-iliad\">Simone Weil defined force<\/a> as \u201cthat x that turns anybody who is subjected to it into a thing.\u201d Force-based discipline turns students <em>and<\/em> teachers into tokens in a game nobody wins. Desautels\u2019 arguments are persuasive, urgent and evidence-based; it\u2019s time to stop thinking in terms of rules and obedience and embrace co-creation and co-regulation in the classroom.<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Their take<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cOne of the major features of this book that sets it in a class by itself, is the information, practical strategies, and extensive resources about preventative measures. Typically, preventative measures have focused on teaching expected behaviors and on de-escalation. These approaches are not effective for preventing autonomic, non-volitional stress responses. Teaching students about their brain, including the parts of the brain, how the brain regulates their level of feeling calm or fearful, how their actions are impacted by their brain state, and things they can do to move their brain state from fear to calm are all effective preventative strategies.\u201d<\/p><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2013 Beth Tolley, <a href=\"https:\/\/endseclusion.org\/2020\/09\/28\/connections-over-compliance-book-review\/\">Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint<\/a><em>, <\/em>Sept 28, 2020<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Must read for<\/h2><p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Teachers, administrators, parents<\/p><h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Read also<\/h2><ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><p><em>Uncommon Sense Teaching <\/em>by Barbara Oakley, Beth Rogowsky, and Terry Sejnowski<\/p><\/li><li><p><em>The Body Keeps the Score<\/em> by Bessel Van Der Kolk<\/p><\/li><li><p><em>How to do the Work <\/em>by Nicole LePera<\/p><\/li><\/ul><div class=\"subscription-widget-wrap-editor\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/writetosuccess.substack.com\/subscribe?&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Subscribe&quot;,&quot;language&quot;:&quot;en&quot;}\" data-component-name=\"SubscribeWidgetToDOM\"><div class=\"subscription-widget show-subscribe\"><div class=\"preamble\"><p class=\"cta-caption\">Thanks for reading Write\u2019s Substack! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.<\/p><\/div><form class=\"subscription-widget-subscribe\" action=\"\"><input type=\"email\" class=\"email-input\" name=\"email\" placeholder=\"Type your email\u2026\" tabindex=\"-1\"\/><input type=\"submit\" class=\"button primary\" value=\"Subscribe\"\/><div class=\"fake-input-wrapper\"><div class=\"fake-input\"\/><div class=\"fake-button\"\/><\/div><input type=\"hidden\" name=\"trp-form-language\" value=\"de\"\/><\/form><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline, by Lori Desautels, Ph.D. (2020)<\/p>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-138758827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - 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